It's never a bad idea to look at one's past in a contemplative way to see just how things have gone for you in the past year. Tonight will be my night for doing just such a thing.
It is said that the god Janus had the ability to not only see the past clearly, but to see the future as well. I think that we all have that ability. The old saying "hindsight is 20/20" rings true for all of us. It is that way because we should be able to look behind us and see things more clearly since we are no longer "in" that moment. When we are in that moment, we know that our emotions have a tendency to rule our decisions. By moving past that moment, we can look back and examine the situation without the emotional baggage attached.
We must look back to see where corrections can be made so that when we come upon those same situations in the future, we will be able to say to ourselves "well the last time I did that, this happened so this time I am going to try doing THIS and see what happens."
Do we know our future? not really. It's not only about the choices that we make but also the choices of people around us. People say and do things that can impact our lives in a very real and lasting way. We know what our choices are, we know what we need to do to protect ourselves and build a better future for ourselves.
For all my loyal blog readers (all 3 of you) I wish you the happiest and healthiest of new years. Make 2014 YOUR year!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Life is good...
Of course I have much to be thankful for. I am gainfully employed at a job that challenges me in a whole host of way, I'm healthy, have a roof over my head and family, that for the most part, actually like being around me!
This years Yule time will be different though. I've given up shopping at the big stores for gifts. After watching store after store be inundated with people who are almost killing each other for the "best deal" I've decided that I have had enough of the crass commercialism that is being foisted upon us by the likes of large corporate entities.
But I'm not putting all of the blame there. I've said it all along that we have become a society of greedy, self absorbed ingrates...we really are. We aren't grateful for what we have and are always looking for more. When did this stop being the case? I've been guilty of it myself and have really had to do some mind erasing of those pervasive thoughts.
So this year...screw you big companies, I'm going to the Christkindlmarkt in Bethlehem today with my brother. I want to find those little gems of artisan skill that I can give to my loved ones. Should be a hoot...and afterwards, we are going to put up my Yule tree, play Christmas music that annoys the crap out of my son, drink hot chocolate and remember to embrace the spirit of Yule as a time of reflection, rest and recuperation.
Happy Yule everyone!
This years Yule time will be different though. I've given up shopping at the big stores for gifts. After watching store after store be inundated with people who are almost killing each other for the "best deal" I've decided that I have had enough of the crass commercialism that is being foisted upon us by the likes of large corporate entities.
But I'm not putting all of the blame there. I've said it all along that we have become a society of greedy, self absorbed ingrates...we really are. We aren't grateful for what we have and are always looking for more. When did this stop being the case? I've been guilty of it myself and have really had to do some mind erasing of those pervasive thoughts.
So this year...screw you big companies, I'm going to the Christkindlmarkt in Bethlehem today with my brother. I want to find those little gems of artisan skill that I can give to my loved ones. Should be a hoot...and afterwards, we are going to put up my Yule tree, play Christmas music that annoys the crap out of my son, drink hot chocolate and remember to embrace the spirit of Yule as a time of reflection, rest and recuperation.
Happy Yule everyone!
Friday, October 11, 2013
I got a JOB!!
OK, so for some people that may not be such a great thing but for me, I am thrilled to the core!
My original unemployment just ran out this week so I would have to file for extended unemployment, a little less than usual and would have meant more belt tightening...as if it weren't tight enough already.
The company that asked me to be their new safety and health manager is a very large company. 23 facilities in 6 countries. I've looked at their financials and they are indeed an extremely stable company (something that my last job wasn't) and thus far, everyone I have met has been extremely pleasant and professional. They seem to have an interested work force and one of my interviewers made the comment that the employees were "thirsty" for safety and I can appreciate that. This position has been unfilled for some time and I am certain that I will have my work cut out for me but honestly, I am certainly up for the challenge.
Being unemployed is hard. Not just financially but emotionally as well. Never knowing if something will go wrong and your unemployment won't come through. Watching your budget to ensure that you have adequate supplies of food and other necessities in the house. My food budget worked out to be about $40 a week. There was no money for activities since even gas to get anywhere had to be conserved. So yeah...I am very happy about going back to work and ensuring that I can take care of my family.
Onward and upward!!
My original unemployment just ran out this week so I would have to file for extended unemployment, a little less than usual and would have meant more belt tightening...as if it weren't tight enough already.
The company that asked me to be their new safety and health manager is a very large company. 23 facilities in 6 countries. I've looked at their financials and they are indeed an extremely stable company (something that my last job wasn't) and thus far, everyone I have met has been extremely pleasant and professional. They seem to have an interested work force and one of my interviewers made the comment that the employees were "thirsty" for safety and I can appreciate that. This position has been unfilled for some time and I am certain that I will have my work cut out for me but honestly, I am certainly up for the challenge.
Being unemployed is hard. Not just financially but emotionally as well. Never knowing if something will go wrong and your unemployment won't come through. Watching your budget to ensure that you have adequate supplies of food and other necessities in the house. My food budget worked out to be about $40 a week. There was no money for activities since even gas to get anywhere had to be conserved. So yeah...I am very happy about going back to work and ensuring that I can take care of my family.
Onward and upward!!
Monday, September 30, 2013
Budget...we don't need no stinkin' budget!!
So here I sit as lawmakers try to figure out a way to piss on each other without getting themselves wet. Honestly, I am so sick and tired of all the coverage about this budget issue for one simple reason: It's like watching competing drunken frat houses try to "one-up" the other. "Well if you are going to demand this, then we are going to do that and shut down the government, so blah!"
Is this what government has come to? Grown adults so invested in themselves that they can no longer see the forest of people that they took an oath to represent. So self-centered and self-absorbed that they have zero concern for the people affected by the shutdown. (FYI, Congress doesn't shut down and they will still keep getting a paycheck.) Non-essential services are shut down but that begs the question, if is the government job to take on a task (like running our national monuments and OSHA) wouldn't they ALL be considered essential services? or are some more essential than others.
I voted in the last election but I didn't vote for any of this. I thought I voted for people who would have not only my best interests at heart but the interests of my fellow man as well. I will admit it, I got screwed on that one!! I was hoodwinked, snookered, and in some instances outright LIED to by people in office.
There is no compromise, there is no mercy, there is no justice in this group of elected morons who foolishly believe that they are representing their constituents and that they are representing the people of this nation. I wonder how any of them can look at themselves in the mirror every morning and tell themselves that they are "keeping the best interests of the nation in mind" as they work so hard to prove that "They" are right and that "They" are wrong. How much nicer would it be if "They" worked together to create a legacy that people will admire and point to for years to come as a model form of government.
Lincoln's Gettysburg address comes to mind and it fit in with this whole situation too. Here it is in its entirety:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
I'm so sorry Abe that the people that we elected to represent us have so badly screwed all of this up. We have dishonored those who fought and gave their lives for this country by our pettiness, our insincerity and our callous disregard for our neighbor. Instead we fight for higher taxes on the poor, we fight to remove services that will make our country healthy and we ensure that the upper 1% of this country actually have the ability to purchase Congressmen on the open market. We bully those who don't look like "us" or think like "us" and we demand that anyone who isn't like "us" "go home".
I love this country. I really do. However, these polarizing entities that have come to power do not. They want what they want and everyone else be damned. Don't tell me that you care about the people who elected you and then remove funding for the Affordable Health Care Act. Don't tell me that you care about women and minorities when you do everything in your power to ensure that they are unable to control what they do with their bodies and remove their right to vote and have a voice in our government. Actions speak louder than words and trust me when I say that I will remember each and everyone of them come November.
Is this what government has come to? Grown adults so invested in themselves that they can no longer see the forest of people that they took an oath to represent. So self-centered and self-absorbed that they have zero concern for the people affected by the shutdown. (FYI, Congress doesn't shut down and they will still keep getting a paycheck.) Non-essential services are shut down but that begs the question, if is the government job to take on a task (like running our national monuments and OSHA) wouldn't they ALL be considered essential services? or are some more essential than others.
I voted in the last election but I didn't vote for any of this. I thought I voted for people who would have not only my best interests at heart but the interests of my fellow man as well. I will admit it, I got screwed on that one!! I was hoodwinked, snookered, and in some instances outright LIED to by people in office.
There is no compromise, there is no mercy, there is no justice in this group of elected morons who foolishly believe that they are representing their constituents and that they are representing the people of this nation. I wonder how any of them can look at themselves in the mirror every morning and tell themselves that they are "keeping the best interests of the nation in mind" as they work so hard to prove that "They" are right and that "They" are wrong. How much nicer would it be if "They" worked together to create a legacy that people will admire and point to for years to come as a model form of government.
Lincoln's Gettysburg address comes to mind and it fit in with this whole situation too. Here it is in its entirety:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
I'm so sorry Abe that the people that we elected to represent us have so badly screwed all of this up. We have dishonored those who fought and gave their lives for this country by our pettiness, our insincerity and our callous disregard for our neighbor. Instead we fight for higher taxes on the poor, we fight to remove services that will make our country healthy and we ensure that the upper 1% of this country actually have the ability to purchase Congressmen on the open market. We bully those who don't look like "us" or think like "us" and we demand that anyone who isn't like "us" "go home".
I love this country. I really do. However, these polarizing entities that have come to power do not. They want what they want and everyone else be damned. Don't tell me that you care about the people who elected you and then remove funding for the Affordable Health Care Act. Don't tell me that you care about women and minorities when you do everything in your power to ensure that they are unable to control what they do with their bodies and remove their right to vote and have a voice in our government. Actions speak louder than words and trust me when I say that I will remember each and everyone of them come November.
- 1st — Rep. Robert Brady [D]
- 2nd — Rep. Chaka Fattah [D]
- 3rd — Rep. Mike Kelly [R]
- 4th — Rep. Scott Perry [R]
- 5th — Rep. Glenn Thompson [R]
- 6th — Rep. Jim Gerlach [R]
- 7th — Rep. Patrick Meehan [R]
- 8th — Rep. Michael Fitzpatrick [R]
- 9th — Rep. Bill Shuster [R]
- 10th — Rep. Tom Marino [R]
- 11th — Rep. Lou Barletta [R]
- 12th — Rep. Keith Rothfus [R]
- 13th — Rep. Allyson Schwartz [D]
- 14th — Rep. Michael “Mike” Doyle Jr. [D]
- 15th — Rep. Charles Dent [R]
- 16th — Rep. Joseph Pitts [R]
- 17th — Rep. Matthew Cartwright [D]
- 18th — Rep. Tim Murphy [R]
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
An Open Letter to Michael Douglas
You are not alone. As someone who has watched a child or other loved one go off to prison, the anguish we feel is often unbearable. Even when we know that because of their choices, they are going to the place that was inevitable for them. It was touching to see your shout out to your son during the Emmy's. I hope that he was able to see it.
You are right to question the system. The system is by no means perfect. If it was, organizations like the ACLU or CURE (Citizens United for the Rehabilitation of Errants) would not have to exist. The topic of solitary confinement is especially relevant at the moment considering hundreds of inmates in a California prison recently ended their 60 day hunger strike because of this issue. The inmates went on this hunger strike to draw attention to the barbaric use of solitary confinement and demand the end of its use within correctional facilities.
You already know what solitary confinement is doing to your son, multiply that by thousands of others who are being victimized by this practice. Studies show that extended solitary confinement just does not work and in fact increases psychiatric problems in those who are subjected to long term confinement. In short, if people aren't messed up to begin with, solitary confinement makes them unstable and for those who have mental issues when they go in, solitary confinement makes them worse. According to your statement, your son was put in solitary because of a violation and has been in there for 2 years. Your son is an addict who needs serious treatment rather than placement in solitary confinement. When inmates are in solitary confinement, their access to prison medical services, (which are usually laughable to begin with) are even more restricted. In many cases, people who are placed in solitary confinement are usually the ones most in need of psychiatric related services.
Your son is not the only person suffering. The ACLU estimates that over 80,000 inmates are currently undergoing solitary confinement. Each and every one of these is the child of someone, the parent of someone. Isn't it enough that whatever their crime was that originally landed them in jail, they are paying for that already? Do they really deserve to be further punished (some organizations consider solitary confinement to be torture) by being stuck in what is tantamount to complete and utter isolation from any human contact? Humans are pack animals...we need the company of others even if at times we do things that negate our ability to engage in appropriate social contact.
Inmates in solitary confinement have no voice. Your son has no voice. It is up to you, me and thousands of others willing to speak up on their behalf to ensure that while they are doing their time that they don't come back in to society more damaged than they already were. Many of us who volunteer for prison reform organizations do this because we believe that people, no matter who they are or where they are, deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. We believe in the power of redemption and in those instances where the state has limited the freedoms of someone due to their actions, people in confinement of any kind don't give up basic human rights or basic human dignity.
I would invite you Mr. Douglas to find an organization to work with on this issue. Lend your very public voice to this issue to assist those organizations that could possibly help end this practice for not only your son, but for thousands of others. Help these organizations end this cruel punishment so that no other child has to go through what you and your family are experiencing with your son.
You are right to question the system. The system is by no means perfect. If it was, organizations like the ACLU or CURE (Citizens United for the Rehabilitation of Errants) would not have to exist. The topic of solitary confinement is especially relevant at the moment considering hundreds of inmates in a California prison recently ended their 60 day hunger strike because of this issue. The inmates went on this hunger strike to draw attention to the barbaric use of solitary confinement and demand the end of its use within correctional facilities.
You already know what solitary confinement is doing to your son, multiply that by thousands of others who are being victimized by this practice. Studies show that extended solitary confinement just does not work and in fact increases psychiatric problems in those who are subjected to long term confinement. In short, if people aren't messed up to begin with, solitary confinement makes them unstable and for those who have mental issues when they go in, solitary confinement makes them worse. According to your statement, your son was put in solitary because of a violation and has been in there for 2 years. Your son is an addict who needs serious treatment rather than placement in solitary confinement. When inmates are in solitary confinement, their access to prison medical services, (which are usually laughable to begin with) are even more restricted. In many cases, people who are placed in solitary confinement are usually the ones most in need of psychiatric related services.
Your son is not the only person suffering. The ACLU estimates that over 80,000 inmates are currently undergoing solitary confinement. Each and every one of these is the child of someone, the parent of someone. Isn't it enough that whatever their crime was that originally landed them in jail, they are paying for that already? Do they really deserve to be further punished (some organizations consider solitary confinement to be torture) by being stuck in what is tantamount to complete and utter isolation from any human contact? Humans are pack animals...we need the company of others even if at times we do things that negate our ability to engage in appropriate social contact.
Inmates in solitary confinement have no voice. Your son has no voice. It is up to you, me and thousands of others willing to speak up on their behalf to ensure that while they are doing their time that they don't come back in to society more damaged than they already were. Many of us who volunteer for prison reform organizations do this because we believe that people, no matter who they are or where they are, deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. We believe in the power of redemption and in those instances where the state has limited the freedoms of someone due to their actions, people in confinement of any kind don't give up basic human rights or basic human dignity.
I would invite you Mr. Douglas to find an organization to work with on this issue. Lend your very public voice to this issue to assist those organizations that could possibly help end this practice for not only your son, but for thousands of others. Help these organizations end this cruel punishment so that no other child has to go through what you and your family are experiencing with your son.
Monday, September 16, 2013
How to deal...
When I figure it out I will let you know. It seems that we are wired to deal with all the excitement in our life a certain way. While some of it is certainly genetic, the old "fight or flight" manifestation. Some of it is as a result of our programming.
For example, recently my brother and I traveled north to attend the internment of my uncle, my father's brother. I won't go into all the gritty details but I will say that my uncle had an undiagnosed mental illness that most of my family wrote off as him "just being Joe". His death certificate said he died of an accidental overdose of a drug that is used to treat bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. As for me, I tried to remember a single happy memory of this man. I hadn't seen him since 1992 and a few years after my grandfather died, he just decided he was going to go live on the beaches in Hawaii and he did just that. Literally took a bus to Syracuse and bought a plane ticket to Hawaii. No one knew where he was until my father received a phone call from a social worker in Hawaii saying that he had been found living on the beach. My uncle claimed he had no family left, everyone was dead. The reality was he had a brother and a set of twin sisters.
When I found out that my uncle had passed away, I tried to remember a single happy memory of the man. I could not. I was chubby as a child and he never let me forget it. Forget playing a game of checkers with him, he'd beat the pants off you every time and then call you stupid and a loser if you couldn't beat him. for the record, I never did and to this day I hate playing checkers. He was an avid fisherman and my brother and sister were usually asked to help him catch minnows with his big walking net. I was never asked because I was "fatso" and therefore unable to hold a net. No...not a single good memory of this man.
Before the funeral my father outlined what he was going to do for the service. It was a very pleasant, simple service. It was then that I told my father that I had no happy memories of my uncle and that my sole purpose for being there that weekend was to offer him emotional support. (I'm not a complete bitch ya know!) He was my father's brother and I know that he loved him dearly and I know that he was deeply saddened by my uncle's passing.
Those who were in attendance were given an opportunity to share memories of him. My sister wrote a lovely poem about some of the things he used to do, my brother spoke about how important it was that we live our lives to the fullest since we just never knew when it would all end. One of the twin aunts said a prayer and my father read from the Book of Common Prayers and then we all joined in to say the Lord's Prayer. After the service, I went back to my parents place and put out the beverages and food for the wake.
As an adult, I can look back and see that my uncle was mentally ill. Unfortunately, you don't have that luxury when you are a child. At my uncle's funeral, I cut off a piece of a lovely plant that was growing on my grandparents grave and told my uncle that I understood now why he was such an asshole all those years. I was saddened that he had not been able to get the mental health he needed and that I knew that he was in the grips of mental illness. Some of our interactions as a child created the insecure little girl who grew in to an insecure woman.
I forgave him all that but letting go and forgetting are something that I don't think will happen for a long time.
For example, recently my brother and I traveled north to attend the internment of my uncle, my father's brother. I won't go into all the gritty details but I will say that my uncle had an undiagnosed mental illness that most of my family wrote off as him "just being Joe". His death certificate said he died of an accidental overdose of a drug that is used to treat bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. As for me, I tried to remember a single happy memory of this man. I hadn't seen him since 1992 and a few years after my grandfather died, he just decided he was going to go live on the beaches in Hawaii and he did just that. Literally took a bus to Syracuse and bought a plane ticket to Hawaii. No one knew where he was until my father received a phone call from a social worker in Hawaii saying that he had been found living on the beach. My uncle claimed he had no family left, everyone was dead. The reality was he had a brother and a set of twin sisters.
When I found out that my uncle had passed away, I tried to remember a single happy memory of the man. I could not. I was chubby as a child and he never let me forget it. Forget playing a game of checkers with him, he'd beat the pants off you every time and then call you stupid and a loser if you couldn't beat him. for the record, I never did and to this day I hate playing checkers. He was an avid fisherman and my brother and sister were usually asked to help him catch minnows with his big walking net. I was never asked because I was "fatso" and therefore unable to hold a net. No...not a single good memory of this man.
Before the funeral my father outlined what he was going to do for the service. It was a very pleasant, simple service. It was then that I told my father that I had no happy memories of my uncle and that my sole purpose for being there that weekend was to offer him emotional support. (I'm not a complete bitch ya know!) He was my father's brother and I know that he loved him dearly and I know that he was deeply saddened by my uncle's passing.
Those who were in attendance were given an opportunity to share memories of him. My sister wrote a lovely poem about some of the things he used to do, my brother spoke about how important it was that we live our lives to the fullest since we just never knew when it would all end. One of the twin aunts said a prayer and my father read from the Book of Common Prayers and then we all joined in to say the Lord's Prayer. After the service, I went back to my parents place and put out the beverages and food for the wake.
As an adult, I can look back and see that my uncle was mentally ill. Unfortunately, you don't have that luxury when you are a child. At my uncle's funeral, I cut off a piece of a lovely plant that was growing on my grandparents grave and told my uncle that I understood now why he was such an asshole all those years. I was saddened that he had not been able to get the mental health he needed and that I knew that he was in the grips of mental illness. Some of our interactions as a child created the insecure little girl who grew in to an insecure woman.
I forgave him all that but letting go and forgetting are something that I don't think will happen for a long time.
Monday, August 19, 2013
I should be an advice columnist
I really should be. I think I give great advice despite the fact that no one follows my advice. Over the years I appear to have developed a reputation as someone that people feel they can talk to. I can honestly say that this was NOT something I cultivated..AT ALL and there were times when I wished people didn't seek me out to get advice from me.
This became very apparent to me at my last job. Our HR manager (former one especially) was hated by the employees...and I mean HATED by the employees. Because I was out on the floor so much with my job responsibilities and the employees knew that I worked closely with that department, people tended to confide in me, just about everything. There was truly very little that I didn't know about almost all the employees there. Personally and professionally. I knew everyone's secrets and it was empowering (in a "I can blackmail you" kind of way) and humbling in the fact that they trusted me to not only help them but in most instances, keep their confidences too. If I needed to involve someone else, like an outside agency, then I always told them that I was going to do that before I did it.
But I digress...I really don't like to give advice. But I know that my advice is respectful, insightful and does not fail to call people on their bullshit. I'm also very good at seeing both points of view and of seeing just how others see you as you describe a situation. Most importantly, I know what I don't know. If I cannot give you good advice on an issue, my advice will sound something like this "I don't know enough about that to give you good advice, perhaps someone who knows more about that issue would be better suited to advice you" OR "I just don't know".
Over the years I have given tons of advice (I would like to say that all the advice I give is ASKED for, it is unusual for me to give unsolicited advice unless I feel compelled to speak) to people. The minute someone turns to me and asks "What do you think?" it's on like a house on fire. But then they nod their heads in agreement and then do the exact OPPOSITE! I get the whole free will thing, certainly you are free to do as you please but don't ask for advice if you aren't even bothering to consider it! Nothing is more frustrating than to give advice, explain how the situation will play out should they fail to heed your advice and then stand back and watch what happens. I'm not one to say "I told you so..." but I will remind you of a previous conversation we had where we discussed the possible outcomes should you X or if you did X. If you ask me for advice and I give it, you can bet that it is solid advice and you would do well to heed my advice.
But if you choose not to take my advice, you should know I'm still here. Bad choices not withstanding, I'm still a good friend (and this time you had better take my advice!!)
This became very apparent to me at my last job. Our HR manager (former one especially) was hated by the employees...and I mean HATED by the employees. Because I was out on the floor so much with my job responsibilities and the employees knew that I worked closely with that department, people tended to confide in me, just about everything. There was truly very little that I didn't know about almost all the employees there. Personally and professionally. I knew everyone's secrets and it was empowering (in a "I can blackmail you" kind of way) and humbling in the fact that they trusted me to not only help them but in most instances, keep their confidences too. If I needed to involve someone else, like an outside agency, then I always told them that I was going to do that before I did it.
But I digress...I really don't like to give advice. But I know that my advice is respectful, insightful and does not fail to call people on their bullshit. I'm also very good at seeing both points of view and of seeing just how others see you as you describe a situation. Most importantly, I know what I don't know. If I cannot give you good advice on an issue, my advice will sound something like this "I don't know enough about that to give you good advice, perhaps someone who knows more about that issue would be better suited to advice you" OR "I just don't know".
Over the years I have given tons of advice (I would like to say that all the advice I give is ASKED for, it is unusual for me to give unsolicited advice unless I feel compelled to speak) to people. The minute someone turns to me and asks "What do you think?" it's on like a house on fire. But then they nod their heads in agreement and then do the exact OPPOSITE! I get the whole free will thing, certainly you are free to do as you please but don't ask for advice if you aren't even bothering to consider it! Nothing is more frustrating than to give advice, explain how the situation will play out should they fail to heed your advice and then stand back and watch what happens. I'm not one to say "I told you so..." but I will remind you of a previous conversation we had where we discussed the possible outcomes should you X or if you did X. If you ask me for advice and I give it, you can bet that it is solid advice and you would do well to heed my advice.
But if you choose not to take my advice, you should know I'm still here. Bad choices not withstanding, I'm still a good friend (and this time you had better take my advice!!)
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